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Monday, December 13, 2004

Everything's going to be as beautiful as I feel it will be 

(11 more posts before shutdown)

And now we enter our last week. Despite the pessimism of some it seems that exactly one week from now The One and I will be drinking champagne and eating fish and chips in the House of Laughter and Forgetting on the banks of the Isis in the City of Dreaming Spires.

"Our" last week. That's "our" as in - my last week in London. My last week blogging. Your last week reading anything (new) on here. Our last week together. You and me - we're on a deadline, baby, we've got one eye on each other and the other on the clock. After next Sunday... well, it's all new for me, and all old for you. The woods decay, the woods decay and fall. The sky bruises - and we must be gone!

Let us sit upon the floor, and tell sad tales of the death of Kings...

So, will I miss you? Of course I'll miss you. I'll read you, naturally, but (for me at least) reading is nothing compared to... being read. Your comment book, your email, it's ok - but it's nothing compared to... being read by you. I'll miss pissing you off (hunny), I'll miss provoking you (kitzi, raspberry), I'll miss making the same cultural references (newly). I'll miss making you wish you were more pissed, more hungover, more arsey and obnoxious and arrogant (everyone). I'll miss wondering if in different circumstances I could pull you (everyone else). Which is not to say I won't still wonder what it would be like to have sex with any of you (I wonder what it would be like to have sex with almost everyone I meet, read, see, listen to, or hear about)... just that I won't wonder so specifically.

When I started this The One and I had been an item for about five months. And about nine months later we're moving in and my whole life has changed. When I started this I called her The One from the start - and in retrospect it's obvious why. I obviously knew. I was obviously, well, right. It's interesting though - the first other blogs I read were Si and Newly - and both were attempts to chronicle the aftermath of a breakup. Si quit his after he got over his breakup; Newly recently talked of doing the same. In nine months everything changed for them. The next blog I started reading was Tamara and Allie. Allie doesn't even post anymore; and Tamara has fallen in love. Nine months - everything changed. I've wondered a few times exactly what the purpose of these online journals are and it seems to me they're (the interesting ones at least) chronicles of change. They're snippets of lives in flux, is what they are. Even if at the time of starting, the change isn't planned, comprehended or anticipated. All good blogs are about change. And once that change is achieved... well then the blogs decay, the blogs decay and fall.

I'll say this though... and then I won't dwell on endings until the end: everything I've said is true. And everything I've said I've meant. And I miss Allie. And I'll miss talking to you. And I've been drunk for, ooh, 70 per cent of my posts. And I'm banjaxed now. And I hope everything's going to be as beautiful as I feel it will be. And I know everything's going to be as beautiful as I feel it will be.

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