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Wednesday, December 15, 2004

another list? 

(10 more posts before shutdown)

In the absence of anything new or interesting to tell you about, and in the interests of letting the death scene milk itself for a while, I'm going to follow the time-honoured tradition of making a list rather than actually doing anything. This post will teach you nothing; it will enrich your lives in almost no way whatsoever; it probably won't even hold your interest to the end... but it will give you an insight into my day. You lucky things.

So. Things I did today.

1. Made a list of things to do today.
2. Watched Tony Blair on This Morning, followed by Darius on This Morning. That's right - our Prime Minister appeared with Philip and Fern (just after an item on preparing roast potatoes). And he wasn't even top billing.
3. Started to sort through the contents of the sideboardy thing I keep my decks on top of. Filled three bin bags full of rubbish, including utility bills from 1999 and no less than four incomplete decks of cards.
4. Took a break from that to furiously smoke cigarettes, drink about a litre of coffee and try not to cry after coming across a bundle of letters from The Anti-One... including her final letter in which she apologised for ruining my life.
5. Came very close to keeping the letters. Then burned them.
6. Went out and bought more fags. Wore biggest coat and woolly hat to disguise the fact that I hadn't actually had a shower today. Or bothered to really look in the mirror in any significant manner.
7. Took a phone call - from a magazine I've not written for before - asking me if I would be a laddish agony uncle for them. Pointed out that I'm already exactly that for another magazine. They said it wasn't a problem. Told them - in that case, I'm listening...
8. Filled a binbag with clothes for the Charity Shop.
9. Filled another binbag with old trainers.
10. Had an enormously frustrating conversation with a simpleton in a call centre in Newcastle about transferring my broadband connection on Monday when I move. Managed to stop myself using the phrase "Shut up and just listen, you Geordie bitch..." but only just.
11. Printed off all outstanding invoices.
12. Took them to the post office, along with 22 Christmas cards for commissioning editors - frankly I couldn't care less just how merry their Christmas is, as long as they remember to commission me again afterwards. (And the cards, postage etc are tax-deductable.)
13. Wrapped The One's present.
14. Gave up on doing anything constructive, noted it was 6pm, watched The Simpsons.
15. Took a call from S - he was at the bottom of my road with two bottles of Australian white. Hurrah!
16. Drank two bottles of Australian white with S whilst taking the piss out of CSI Miami.
17. Watched Fistful of Dollars and finished off my last bottle of Baileys.
18. Idly surfed for porn for a while... but my heart wasn't in it. Will there be porn after The Move, I wonder? Considered finishing off my last bottle of vodka - and then looked at the time and thought better of it.
19. Sat and made a list of things I did today.
20. Err, there is no 20.

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